Did I just coin a term there? Damn right I did!

The convenience economy comprises companies that are flourishing because of lazy fucks like you. You want everything to be conveniently delivered to your doorstep, and that is making things seriously inconvenient for people like me who can actually get stuff for themselves on their own.

You people are so lazy that it’s a wonder you even put in the effort to open apps on your phone. But you do, because that’s the least you’ll have to do. You’ll launch apps to order food, call a cab, get groceries, clothes, footwear and even medicines delivered, get something Dunzo’d from one place to another. What you won’t do is walk to the neighbourhood store yourself or hail an auto when you have somewhere to go.

And why does this bother me? Why is this so inconvenient for me? Because cab drivers stop in the middle of the road and double park anywhere, as if they are cows. Because deliverymen will drive fast on the wrong side of the road without wearing a helmet, as if they’re driving on a highway. Because all these added vehicles on the road, brought there to cater to your lazy ass, have taken traffic and pollution to new levels. Because there is an immense amount of garbage getting created thanks to all the boxes and packages you receive all day long.

Your laziness is such a pain!

Sure, there were cabs and food delivery before, but it wasn’t at such a scale. People used their own vehicles or took an auto because app-based cabs weren’t there. A few food chains delivered, but there was no Swiggy or Zomato that picked up food from any damn place and brought it to you.

I’m sure Uber and Ola train their drivers well, as do Swiggy, Zomato, Amazon, Flipkart with their deliverymen. They might have the processes in place, but there’s no incentive for these humans to follow these systems and no way for the companies to ensure that the processes are followed. If a delivery guy can finish a delivery quicker by driving on the wrong side, then he will. If a cab driver can cut through traffic instead of taking a long u-turn, then he will.

If they’re at fault, then so are you.

  • You’re to blame because you don’t cook at home or hire a cook and order food every single day
  • You’re to blame because you will order three items of clothing even when you need just one, because two can be easily returned
  • You’re to blame because you order fruits and vegetables online, which you can easily pick up on your way home from work
  • You’re to blame because you book a cab for a short distance and then make the driver wait while you leisurely put on your shoes
  • You’re to blame because you’ll have an app-based service deliver cigarettes to your place, which you shouldn’t be smoking anyway
  • You’re to blame because you’ll wait for 2 hours to get medicines delivered to your home, but won’t walk to a pharmacy that’s 200 meters away

It is entirely your fault that you are so damn lazy. The convenience economy is booming because of you and it’s great for the companies. But it’s really inconvenient for me and I need you to get off your ass. Once in a while, at least.